[Soubi takes in your apology and the understated physical display of submission. There isn't anything for him to do, as he'd already collected himself. He didn't expect you to try it again, after what he said and did, and that was sort of the point. So your offering an overt "I'll respect you" seems awkward; inexperienced.]
>You mean if I were strong, I'd have some business grabbing you without your consent?
[His eyes narrow, to show that he wouldn't be happy about it, regardless.] If you have enough power, you can do what you like.
[Listens intently to your explanation of why you were confused.] You're right: that sounds ridiculous.
>I wonder if I could have learned to be stronger than-- than the bottom of the pile I am now... [Why the hell are my eyes getting misty?! This is so embarrassing!!
[No. You understand what being unnecessarily weak means. Only someone stupid could say that without any emotion. As if the consequences didn't matter. He has pity for you. Making a place for yourself, above some and below others, is difficult. And a fighter is never the ... top of the heap, as you put it. They're not made for that. But to get as old as you are, and not be as strong as - not even know what you're really capable of, must be so sad. Not least because something in you seems to know it and miss it. He's never met a person who might have been better off, had they been sent to the Academy. It doesn't tend to make mistakes. But the tears in your eyes, when you wonder what they could have made you into, and the audible pain as you speak of what you are, make his heart clench.]
>Seeing you, and knowing that it is... I wonder how it could have been real, and yet not happened to me.
[Considers this silently, and finally says,] I think, in any world, that having a purpose that suits your true nature is given to very few. If you can't live without that - maybe it's right to go looking for it. [Assuming you aren't so lost that you don't know what to look for.]
[Politeness is a mask like any other. He's not sorry to see how you'd react to something he genuinely felt, without filters. It's useful to know that externalizing his anger was overkill, and despite that, you'd accept it without complaint. But he doesn't consider you any more of a friend because you'd stumble in public, or shrug it off afterwards. He's been trained to feel safer around someone who doesn't.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2012-03-04 05:23 am (UTC)>You mean if I were strong, I'd have some business grabbing you without your consent?
[His eyes narrow, to show that he wouldn't be happy about it, regardless.] If you have enough power, you can do what you like.
[Listens intently to your explanation of why you were confused.] You're right: that sounds ridiculous.
>I wonder if I could have learned to be stronger than-- than the bottom of the pile I am now... [Why the hell are my eyes getting misty?! This is so embarrassing!!
[No. You understand what being unnecessarily weak means. Only someone stupid could say that without any emotion. As if the consequences didn't matter. He has pity for you. Making a place for yourself, above some and below others, is difficult. And a fighter is never the ... top of the heap, as you put it. They're not made for that. But to get as old as you are, and not be as strong as - not even know what you're really capable of, must be so sad. Not least because something in you seems to know it and miss it. He's never met a person who might have been better off, had they been sent to the Academy. It doesn't tend to make mistakes. But the tears in your eyes, when you wonder what they could have made you into, and the audible pain as you speak of what you are, make his heart clench.]
>Seeing you, and knowing that it is... I wonder how it could have been real, and yet not happened to me.
[Considers this silently, and finally says,] I think, in any world, that having a purpose that suits your true nature is given to very few. If you can't live without that - maybe it's right to go looking for it. [Assuming you aren't so lost that you don't know what to look for.]
[Politeness is a mask like any other. He's not sorry to see how you'd react to something he genuinely felt, without filters. It's useful to know that externalizing his anger was overkill, and despite that, you'd accept it without complaint. But he doesn't consider you any more of a friend because you'd stumble in public, or shrug it off afterwards. He's been trained to feel safer around someone who doesn't.]