Agatsuma Soubi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lifelessbeloved) wrote2012-02-24 04:29 am
lifelessbeloved) wrote2012-02-24 04:29 amOpen CR post
[Soubi is smoking and waiting for someone who expressed an interest in meeting him.]
lifelessbeloved) wrote2012-02-24 04:29 am
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[Winces. Despite how easily I took being told I was weak, being told "You don't have any magic in you" feels like being told I'm retarded, dead, and not really a girl, all rolled up in one, and additionally, "we're not sure if anybody can fix that." That was deeply felt, and I hadn't thought of it. I'm knocked speechless for a moment.]
[Whispers] How can I not-- but. [I want to say, "But I'm so here. I'm so alive. Look at me." But that doesn't even make any sense.] Why can't you sense me? What if it could be in there somewhere? [I probably sound stupid. It probably doesn't work like that. No, but what if it's just different from what he's used to?]
[Or... but Ritsu attached himself to me. And Soubi can't even see that? An involuntary shiver creeps down my back. It could have been dangerous if he'd seen it. But if he can't, that's upsetting in a totally different way. I hope it's shielded, and not just too weak to be seen. At least I am already looking distraught and have plenty of excuse to continue to look that way.]
> [Mm. And neither has interacting with Ritsu? No, Soubi doesn't know about that. But his mun is curious.]
[No, that's helped-- the retroactive sense I've made out of his reaction is largely because of what I've picked up from interacting with Ritsu. But that hasn't been enough to overwrite a lifetime of outside-social programming yet.]
> [Impassive.] You're still more than half them, to me.
At least you can trust me to behave myself. I may be them, but I'm not like them. [I'm pretty sure that being "them" includes attitude as well as ability. Whereas what I'd do for magic, and a sacrifice, is totally outside the bounds of what a normal person would consider reasonable. I've had enough of playing nice and safe, not tempting malicious genies or making fatal contracts. I will take fulfilment wherever I can get it.]
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[Soubi, as a result of Ritsu, has a bad habit of not treating something that's "only" true as potentially wounding. So your reaction is unexpected, and less-than-sympathetically received. It does register that his words had the force of a physical blow, and made you feel thoroughly invalidated. But how could ... you admitted that you've been watching him from the sidelines because you aren't a unit. Knowing that, he doesn't understand why anything he said came as a shock.]
>How can I not-- but. [...] Why can't you sense me? What if it could be in there somewhere? [I probably sound stupid. It probably doesn't work like that. No, but what if it's just different from what he's used to?]
[Soubi stops walking. He turns fully towards you and puts a hand on either side of your head. He spreads them apart a little, so that they aren't actually touching you and there's space, while he tries to feel for an energy field. He then puts a brief, tightly controlled flick of power through his hands, eyes never leaving your face.]
>Or... but Ritsu attached himself to me. And Soubi can't even see that?
[Ritsu only leaves marks when he means to. The connection between you two is nobody else's business. And it's absolutely the last thing in the world Soubi would be looking for.]
>I may be them, but I'm not like them.
What you mean is, you'd betray all of that in a heartbeat, if I asked you to prove yourself.
[Which makes you more dangerous, not less. He's not sure why he should trust your sincerity, when you say you're willing to turn against everything you are to become something you're not. What if it´s his world you want to bring down? But there are ways to test that. He's mildly tempted to knock you out, take you home, and call his sensei.]
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> [Soubi stops walking. He turns fully towards you and puts a hand on either side of your head. He spreads them apart a little, so that they aren't actually touching you and there's space, while he tries to feel for an energy field. He then puts a brief, tightly controlled flick of power through his hands, eyes never leaving your face.]
[I know that magic isn't accomplished by thinking at things really hard. At the same time, I feel like a flitting consciousness is not what's going to bring out any flickers of anything that I do have. So I just take a deep breath and relax and stare blankly back at him, letting him read whatever's there. I have to keep shoving aside worries about what he'll find or what he won't find, though.]
> What you mean is, you'd betray all of that in a heartbeat, if I asked you to prove yourself.
I never asked to be part of all that. I was just assumed to be part of it because I existed and nobody could imagine that there was any other space where I could be existing. I never made it any promises. So there's nothing to betray.
> [He's mildly tempted to knock you out, take you home, and call his sensei.]
[Well, that would be embarrassing. ...It's not like I expected to accomplish much, anyway. But trying hasn't hurt anything except, potentially, my pride.]