[I feel so glad to be taken seriously. To know that someone accepts what I did and do desire, believes it's a real thing to want... That I might have been grateful if there had been a sunny-haired boy to lure me away to a place of deep, self-devouring black magic.]
> You must have hated your life very, very much.
I did. [There's dark fire in my eyes. It would be a passionate, lengthy diatribe if the core of it hadn't already been said.]
> [Soubi pulls his sleeve easily out of your hand and puts your forearm in a very businesslike grip.] No one as weak as you has any business trying to shake me. [There's ice in that, but almost immediately, he releases your arm.]
[Winces, puts hands behind my back.] I'm sorry. I have no business taking my feelings out on you. [A bit awkward. I'm clumsy, right? Too clumsy to engage in boundary-testing in a more appropriate way. Let's hope he thinks so. But I also want him to know I do acknowledge it wasn't fair of me to express myself that way, so he doesn't think I'll do it again. As for his return insult, it's too obvious of a fact to be deeply wounding, and I guess I deserved it.]
You mean if I were strong, I'd have some business grabbing you without your consent? I don't underst-- [Pause.] No, I-- I see, I've been in this outside world. Where nobody-- there isn't much of a hierarchy, it's all confusing. And what you're supposed to put up with, you're supposed to put up with regardless of whether someone strong or weak does it; and what you're not supposed to put up with, you're supposed to object to from anyone. And nobody can yell at you for doing something that is socially acceptable regardless of whether they're really okay with you doing it. And what you can do is formed by popular opinion. It probably sounds stupid and fake to you, right? Of course you don't put up with that... You don't have to, you're really strong. I wonder if I could have learned to be stronger than-- than the bottom of the pile I am now... [Why the hell are my eyes getting misty?! This is so embarrassing!! Quickly, I switch topics.]
Well, about the reality... I grew up far away from all of this, and everyone around me insisted that magic wasn't real. I believed that it wasn't real, when I was little. Even while I kept having visions that it would really happen to me. Seeing you, and knowing that it is... I wonder how it could have been real, and yet not happened to me.
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> You must have hated your life very, very much.
I did. [There's dark fire in my eyes. It would be a passionate, lengthy diatribe if the core of it hadn't already been said.]
> [Soubi pulls his sleeve easily out of your hand and puts your forearm in a very businesslike grip.] No one as weak as you has any business trying to shake me. [There's ice in that, but almost immediately, he releases your arm.]
[Winces, puts hands behind my back.] I'm sorry. I have no business taking my feelings out on you. [A bit awkward. I'm clumsy, right? Too clumsy to engage in boundary-testing in a more appropriate way. Let's hope he thinks so. But I also want him to know I do acknowledge it wasn't fair of me to express myself that way, so he doesn't think I'll do it again. As for his return insult, it's too obvious of a fact to be deeply wounding, and I guess I deserved it.]
You mean if I were strong, I'd have some business grabbing you without your consent? I don't underst-- [Pause.] No, I-- I see, I've been in this outside world. Where nobody-- there isn't much of a hierarchy, it's all confusing. And what you're supposed to put up with, you're supposed to put up with regardless of whether someone strong or weak does it; and what you're not supposed to put up with, you're supposed to object to from anyone. And nobody can yell at you for doing something that is socially acceptable regardless of whether they're really okay with you doing it. And what you can do is formed by popular opinion. It probably sounds stupid and fake to you, right? Of course you don't put up with that... You don't have to, you're really strong. I wonder if I could have learned to be stronger than-- than the bottom of the pile I am now... [Why the hell are my eyes getting misty?! This is so embarrassing!! Quickly, I switch topics.]
Well, about the reality... I grew up far away from all of this, and everyone around me insisted that magic wasn't real. I believed that it wasn't real, when I was little. Even while I kept having visions that it would really happen to me. Seeing you, and knowing that it is... I wonder how it could have been real, and yet not happened to me.