> That's part of the problem. If I could sense you, it would mean you had some magic in you.
[Winces. Despite how easily I took being told I was weak, being told "You don't have any magic in you" feels like being told I'm retarded, dead, and not really a girl, all rolled up in one, and additionally, "we're not sure if anybody can fix that." That was deeply felt, and I hadn't thought of it. I'm knocked speechless for a moment.]
[Whispers] How can I not-- but. [I want to say, "But I'm so here. I'm so alive. Look at me." But that doesn't even make any sense.] Why can't you sense me? What if it could be in there somewhere? [I probably sound stupid. It probably doesn't work like that. No, but what if it's just different from what he's used to?]
[Or... but Ritsu attached himself to me. And Soubi can't even see that? An involuntary shiver creeps down my back. It could have been dangerous if he'd seen it. But if he can't, that's upsetting in a totally different way. I hope it's shielded, and not just too weak to be seen. At least I am already looking distraught and have plenty of excuse to continue to look that way.]
> [Mm. And neither has interacting with Ritsu? No, Soubi doesn't know about that. But his mun is curious.]
[No, that's helped-- the retroactive sense I've made out of his reaction is largely because of what I've picked up from interacting with Ritsu. But that hasn't been enough to overwrite a lifetime of outside-social programming yet.]
> [Impassive.] You're still more than half them, to me.
At least you can trust me to behave myself. I may be them, but I'm not like them. [I'm pretty sure that being "them" includes attitude as well as ability. Whereas what I'd do for magic, and a sacrifice, is totally outside the bounds of what a normal person would consider reasonable. I've had enough of playing nice and safe, not tempting malicious genies or making fatal contracts. I will take fulfilment wherever I can get it.]
no subject
[Winces. Despite how easily I took being told I was weak, being told "You don't have any magic in you" feels like being told I'm retarded, dead, and not really a girl, all rolled up in one, and additionally, "we're not sure if anybody can fix that." That was deeply felt, and I hadn't thought of it. I'm knocked speechless for a moment.]
[Whispers] How can I not-- but. [I want to say, "But I'm so here. I'm so alive. Look at me." But that doesn't even make any sense.] Why can't you sense me? What if it could be in there somewhere? [I probably sound stupid. It probably doesn't work like that. No, but what if it's just different from what he's used to?]
[Or... but Ritsu attached himself to me. And Soubi can't even see that? An involuntary shiver creeps down my back. It could have been dangerous if he'd seen it. But if he can't, that's upsetting in a totally different way. I hope it's shielded, and not just too weak to be seen. At least I am already looking distraught and have plenty of excuse to continue to look that way.]
> [Mm. And neither has interacting with Ritsu? No, Soubi doesn't know about that. But his mun is curious.]
[No, that's helped-- the retroactive sense I've made out of his reaction is largely because of what I've picked up from interacting with Ritsu. But that hasn't been enough to overwrite a lifetime of outside-social programming yet.]
> [Impassive.] You're still more than half them, to me.
At least you can trust me to behave myself. I may be them, but I'm not like them. [I'm pretty sure that being "them" includes attitude as well as ability. Whereas what I'd do for magic, and a sacrifice, is totally outside the bounds of what a normal person would consider reasonable. I've had enough of playing nice and safe, not tempting malicious genies or making fatal contracts. I will take fulfilment wherever I can get it.]